Falling Back or Moving Forward?

In a recent coaching conversation with a manager, I listened intently. She talked about this month of “back to…” She explained that the summer had gone by much too quickly. She really didn’t get a vacation, and her two young children were headed back to school, and the back to routines were beginning again. She and her husband were back to packing school lunches, driving to and from school and after-school care, and back to a jam-packed seven-day schedule of activities. She was back to work in person in the office, and back to late nights of trying to get everything accomplished on her daily list. And most of all, she was back to exhaustion, feeling defeated, and overwhelmed. She felt as though she was moving in the wrong direction, and it was only the first week of September.

I could feel a lump in my throat. How could this manager be telling my story almost verbatim from many years ago? Maybe it’s been your story, or the story of someone you know. Maybe it’s the story of some of your team members. Fall happens with regularity. The question is “Which way do we fall?”

It’s true that on many levels back to can be a good thing. It’s great to get back into some good habits – like regular routines of self-care and time management. It’s also healthy to get back to consistent meaningful connections with family and friends. It’s powerful to get back on schedule and back to moving toward our goals. Where the risk lies is when we fall back unconsciously – when we keep doing what we have always done even when it no longer serves us, or those around us. Perhaps it’s the ending of your season. Maybe it’s shoulder season. Or it’s the start of your busy season or your holiday season. Are you truly moving forward or are you repeating and rubber stamping the past?

Isn’t it interesting how we protect and preserve our back tos? When I asked this manager what she was willing to change or give up, she quickly defended and deflected. There was nothing she was willing to modify. It had to be this way (also my story from the past). Yet, when we further explored the possibilities, options appeared. It all starts with deciding.

Here are a few ways to decide to move in a forward direction:

Reframe

Sometimes the simple act of reframing the situation can change our perspective, and thus, change everything. It’s not about rose-colored glasses. It’s about deciding that you fundamentally see the situation, the calendar, the person, your team, or your life from a different lens. It’s about taking 100 percent accountability with zero excuses. It’s about letting go of any victim mentality that we may own. Ouch! It’s always the first step – shift your thinking. Start small. Start with seeing everything as a “get to” versus a “have to”. Start with seeing opportunity and possibility versus the dark cloud of despair or “here we go again”. Maybe start with seeing the humor in it. When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change. It’s true.

Get Real and Realistic

Hold up the mirror on a regular basis. What is your real truth? What can you realistically accomplish in a reasonable time-frame? Do you need to let go of the ideal of perfectionism – something that you will never achieve, yet you keep wearing it as a badge of honor? Take an honest look. Dump it all out on paper, remove the emotion, and make some sound decisions on what you can and cannot do. Then exercise the courage to have the conversation with the people involved—including yourself.

Create Boundaries

Boundaries are like the fence in your back yard. They keep in what you want and keep out what you don’t want. Stop wasting the precious time that you have. Stop or limit TV or social media. Get off your phone. Start saying “no” or give a reasonable timeframe of yes. Start putting your health and wellness first. Start asking for help, or asking for what you need in order for you to be at your best. Watch what happens.

Find Joy

Promise yourself that each and every day you will find a moment of joy – somewhere and somehow. Yes, it’s easy to find when everything is going well. It’s also easy to find in life’s valleys. All we must do is notice it. It’s out there lurking. Make it a daily habit to find it. It’s a game changer.

And finally, as your coaches we would encourage you to practice the gift of grace and compassion – for others and most importantly, for yourself. On any given day, all that is asked of you is to give your best. And then, as David White writes in his brilliant poem – Start Close In.

Are you falling back or moving forward?