If I Knew Then, What I Know Now!

How many times in life have we heard someone say, “If I knew then, what I know now!”? What would our teenage years or our 20s be like if we had the experience and knowledge we have now? Part of the brilliance of growing up in our lives and our careers, comes from not knowing and learning in our own way. Having said that, wouldn’t it have been nice if we could have avoided a few of the pitfalls?

I was a club manager. In 2000 I shifted from club management to the profession of coaching. I am imagining that I have been given the chance to sit down with someone who loves the career of club management and simply wants to be their best in it. The person could be in the beginning stages of their career or a veteran that is ready to make it easier and enjoy it more.

Knowing what I know now, I see these things that could have been possible for me when I was a club manager. I recently had some young leaders come to Vancouver to spend some time with me. I am sharing this with them and with you.

I Would Have had a Coach

In fairness, when I was a club manager the profession of coaching was in its infancy. We didn’t have much awareness that the same principle that existed for the best pros we watched on the PGA Tour was available to us. Instead of having someone who could help us work on our game, we had a more general support that we could apply to our game. If I had known that I could get the support of someone who would be beside me to observe, challenge, encourage, and develop me, I would have simply been better at my job and my life. In 2003, I was asked to develop and launch a coaching program for CMAA. It gave members the chance to experience coaching and learn from coaching concepts. It gave members the chance to be coached and enhance their coaching skills. What if you had a professional to work with you, on you?

I Would Have Been Less Defensive

I would sometimes get the feedback that I could be defensive. “I am not!” I would think defensively. It seemed hard to not be defensive when it seemed that people were attacking with their criticisms or feedback. I became too good at taking things personally. I often took feedback and tried to disprove or defend against it rather than learn from it. I realize now that a habit of being defensive and taking things personally can look pretty pathetic and take away from our effectiveness as a leader.

I Would Have Been Stronger and More Willing to Show Vulnerability

I think I used to believe that vulnerability was weakness. I now believe that vulnerability is one of the most powerful demonstrations of strength. Admitting to yourself that you don’t know everything, that you need some help, that you have made a mistake, isn’t weakness, it is courage and a great example.

I Would Have Been More Willing to Ask for Help

I was under the illusion that I needed to know everything and be in control. Now there were many examples of asking for and receiving help on many parts of the business, but seldom with things that had to do with me personally. If it had to do with me, well I believed I should be an expert on those things. I now know that not only was I not an expert, but I hadn’t scratched the surface on what I could learn about me.

I Would Have Been More Aware of How to Access the Best of Me

I had never been given the operating manual on how to be my best. Quite frankly, if I had, I probably wouldn’t have read it. On some level I didn’t really want to know how I was deficient. It is not about being deficient or comparisons with others, it is about learning to be the best authentic me I can be. I now have a great understanding of what supports me in operating at my best and what kinds of things get in the way of that. I know why sometimes I would do things that worked against me. I am open to being successful versus being right. I am excited about working on developing me to be better in relationships and better in life.

I Would Have Been a Better Communicator

I now have a better understanding of how powerfully our ability to communicate shapes our lives. I have become more aware of communication, clear that I will never arrive, and will just keep working on getting better at it.

I Would Have Been a Better Leader

When you have found your operating manual and you can get out of the way, you can focus on bringing the best out in others. In many ways I did this back in the day, but not even close to what I could give them today.

I Would Have Had a Mastermind Group

I now belong to three mastermind groups that I use to make me better, to let go of an attachment to think the way I have always thought.

I Would Have Been Less Willing to Accept Misery and Sadness from Others

To operate at our best, we need to protect our minds, our spirit, and our energy. I used to think it was my job and I had the ability to make miserable people happy. I now know that accountability is a key to success. People must take accountability for them. I must take accountability for me. I have decided to be happy, successful, and a person that makes the lives of others better. What have you decided?

In addition to deciding what I was going to do, I would have spent time deciding who I was going to be!

When you are young you spend a lot of time being who you have been told to be or worse yet what you think the world is telling you to be. If you are lucky when you age you will discover that you have the chance to define that for yourself. You can let go of the “well that is the way I have always been” concept and design the you that you will bring to your career and your life.