Is it Time for a Love Letter?

I am not sure if I had ever written a love letter.

Then within two weeks I received news of two different friends that had passed away. They were both younger than me and both left children behind that were in the first five years of their lives. It rocked me. In both cases I felt sad that these parents who would not have dreamed of dying so early probably left with so much to say to their children.

My mastermind group talked about what had happened and we all committed to each other that we would write letters to our children that would express our feelings about them that they would receive if anything happened to one of us.

I told my wife I was going to do this and she said, “I think your kids are very clear about your feelings for them.” I was hoping that was true but I was taking the time to make sure.

I told each of them about my thoughts and feelings when each of them was born. I was writing to children who were all older than I was when they were born. I reflected on what I saw in them at various stages of their lives. I reminisced about special moments I had with each of them. I talked about their uniqueness and what I saw that made them authentically them. I told them what I wanted for them. I told them how much I love them and I told each of them how much I love their mother.

I remember finishing them and reading them and I remember feeling what writing these letters had done for me. I remember thinking that if something were to happen to me they would have these gifts to hold on to. They would have something very positive from me in addition to anything I was able to leave behind for them.

I also remember thinking “What if I live for another 30 years?” I remember imagining them saying “I wish he would have told me this 30 years ago.”

I sent them that day!

The reactions were very quick and beyond what I expected. My two sons were very appreciative but not overly emotional about the letter they received. Their girlfriends reached out to me with lots of emotion about what they read.

My daughter was living in Asia at the time. I think it might have been a combination of the thousands of miles and months of time separating us but the appreciation that I received for my words was extraordinary. She shared her letter with friends throughout the world and I was receiving emails and letters from them about her and what that letter meant to them.

Appreciation is the key word. They were letters of appreciation about my children, and they elicited appreciation from the recipients and beyond.

What we appreciate appreciates. In accounting, if something appreciates it goes up in value. I think as parents we want our children and our relationships with our children to go up in value.

Love letters create energy, passion, appreciation, awareness, clarity, and joy.

What a great time in our lives it is to access these things.

After the past two years (to varying degrees) we have been languishing. Perhaps we have been out of our routines, we have been missing some of the things that fuel us and spending time with things that dim out light and diminish our spirit. If you were asked, what percentage of your pre-pandemic self are you, I think there are few that would say 100 percent.

Is it time for a love letter?

Maybe it is time to write a love letter to a family member or a dear friend. You may not realize what kind of impact your words could have. You may not realize how much the recipient might need to hear it.

Maybe it is time to write a love letter to someone who will never receive it. Now that I am not only a parent but also a grandparent I realize how much I appreciate my parents for the examples they gave me for both roles. You may think it ridiculous to write a letter to someone who will never receive it but please don’t underestimate what the process of writing the letter could do for you.

Maybe it is time to write a love letter to your career, your vocation or your job. Could any of these things use a shot of energy, passion, appreciation, awareness, clarity and joy? As we distance ourselves from why we are in love, we increase the possibility of losing our love. Do you love what you do? Do you love where you do it? Do you love who you do it for? If so it might be time to remind yourself. If not, it might be time to find a new love.

Maybe it is time to write a love letter to yourself. You have been through a lot. You have tolerated a lot. You have been perfectly imperfect through it all. You are making it through it all. You deserve some energy, passion, appreciation, awareness, clarity, and joy.

Maybe you don’t write. Maybe you are not used to expressing your thoughts to people. Maybe you think writing a love letter is a lame, stupid idea. Maybe it is not about love letters at all.

But, if you can bring energy, passion, appreciation, awareness, clarity, and joy to the most important people in your life in whatever way is best for you, I encourage you to do it.

Maybe it is time to write a love letter.