Who You Are Matters More

Recently I was asked how to build a great reputation in an industry. My immediate answer was the same as always: Work on building your character, not your reputation.

The month of June tends to be filled with sports—season championships, major championships, tournaments and competitions. It’s a lot of winning and losing. As an avid golfer, it’s been exciting to watch this season’s championships including the recent US Open. Bryson DeChambeau vs Rory McIlroy on the home stretch. Both are high-profile players with strong character and robust (and sometimes questionable) reputations. I’ve also had the opportunity to witness a local tournament where professional golfers were striving to reach the PGA tour. Watching athletes at the peak of their sport or on the way to the peak of their sport reminds me of my answer to the character vs reputation dilemma. 

When you think about your favorite athlete, why are they your favorite? Is it because of their reputation or their character? And what about your least favorite athlete? Yes, they are all amazing at what they do, but why do we favor them or not? For me, it almost always comes down to character. What I often notice is that character is the impetus to reputation. Rarely does someone have an impeccable reputation and an incongruent character. Now, head to work and your industry. Do you value character or reputation? Why?

Reputation and character are like two sides of the same coin, but they aren’t the same. Reputation is what others think of you and who they think you are. Character is who you really are.

Reputation is the public persona that people perceive you to be. It’s shaped by your character and what you say and do, however, it’s largely shaped by the perception of others. It’s a moving target. One blip or negative comment on social media (by you or a follower) and a reputation can plummet. It can also skyrocket. We tend to judge athletes, celebrities, and business leaders by their social media image—one that is carefully designed and crafted. It may or may not be who they really are. The bottom line is that reputation is fickle. It’s almost always moving and can change in an instant based on a bad day, a bad moment, or bad press. We don’t have full control over it.

Should we care about what others think of us? Years ago, when we were talking with a very mature ten-year-old boy about the book The Four Agreements (and the second agreement not to take anything personally) the boy responded, “What others think of me isn’t any of my business”. Perhaps there is a valuable message there for adults. For it’s when we care too much about our reputation that we get into trouble with ourselves. When we seek external validation and use it as the measuring stick of our own worth, we change our opinion of ourselves based on the opinion and judgment of the outside world. Listening to gossip and false accusations without the ability to defend takes us into a negative trajectory.  A slippery slope.

“Who You Are Matters More Than What Others Think”

Character, however, is steadfast. It’s the foundation you build your life on. In our coaching, we often use the metaphor of a building. If you are creating a skyscraper of a life, you need a solid personal foundation that is based on character. It holds you up, supports you in all types of weather, and allows you to have a strong, sturdy life. Character is the real, unfiltered you. It’s your values, your integrity, and the way you act when no one’s watching. It’s doing the right thing—under all of life’s circumstances. It’s your personal standards including how you treat yourself and others. The great news about character is that you are fully in control of it. It’s up to you, not others.

Building Your Character

Here are a few ideas:

• Awareness
  Start with a life-long commitment to self-reflection and growth. Get clear on your values, mindset, personal needs, and your personal standards. Extend your boundaries of what you will allow and not accept in your life. Decide what is important and create your vision.

• Habits
  As James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, quotes “every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become”. Let that quote be your guide. Build consistent habits in all areas of your life. Everything matters. Every day.

• Relationships
  Get clear on the kind of relationships and people that you want in your life. Decide how you will treat others and how you expect others to treat you. What if your goal was always to work well with others? Work on your skills in communication and human relations. No matter where you go, this will serve you well.

• Environments
  Our environments are powerful and they are either pulling us towards our goals and the person we want to become, or they are moving us elsewhere. With leaders we often discuss The Nine Environments of You. We start with the “memetic” environment, meaning how a person takes in information, learns, and forms opinions and beliefs. We invite you to pay close attention to what you are watching, listening to, reading and taking in. It’s definitely influencing your character.

Reach out to a coach for support. We would be happy to guide you through a process of building a strong personal foundation and character.

Authenticity: The Courage to Be Yourself

When we lead with character we end up living an authentic life. Authenticity is the absence of riding the roller coaster of reputation. In a recent book I was reading, I was reminded of the character of Mother Theresa. She had patience and love for both the poor and the wealthy. She judged not. She promoted peace, not the absence of war. Her belief was that “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” Mother Theresa likely didn’t set out to create a great reputation. She let her amazing character determine and influence her reputation. 

An invitation: Focus on building a strong character, and your reputation will often follow you. Let your character be your guide. Focus on who you are and how you show up in this life. It’s worth much more than counting your “likes”.